“Mom, my boyfriend invited me to go out.”
“My dear, he’ll take you for a drink, then to a hotel, he’ll caress you, take off your clothes, and he’ll get on top of you to make love. If that happens, I’ll DIE!” The next day, the mom asks:
“How was it?”
“You were right, he took me to a hotel, caressed me, undressed me, and when he tried to get on top of me, I told him: ‘NO CHANCE.’”
“Well done, my girl.”
Four married men go fishing. After a while, each starts bragging:
“You can’t imagine what I had to do to come fishing! I promised my wife I’d paint the whole house next weekend.”
“She didn’t let me come until I promised to replace all the tiles around the pool.”
“You guys are complaining about trivial things. I had to promise to renovate the kitchen, including changing all the kitchen appliances.”
And so they continued fishing until they realized the fourth man hadn’t said anything.
“Hey, you, don’t try to make us believe you didn’t have to promise anything!”
“Well, I set the alarm clock to ring at 3:00 AM, and when it rang, I approached my wife and whispered in her ear: ‘Do we make love or do I go fishing?’ And she replied: ‘Dress well!’”
