When you first become a parent, it’s common to need a little assistance. Often, this is when you are in your 20s or 30s and you’re trying to build your career and maintain the status quo, so having a child can make it difficult to be well-rounded.
One of the ways that we often get help is through our parents, who are the grandparents of the new baby.
They will chip in to assist and sometimes, they may even be a regular part of their lives as a babysitter.
This is something that many people rely on but it is also something that is not held the same in every family. That includes this family, and when the mother-in-law said she wanted to be paid for babysitting the grandchild, things got ugly.
I’m in a tough spot right now. My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. We have a lovely six-month-old baby, and we both work full-time. My husband works from home, and I work at the office.
Recently, my mother-in-law retired, and she offered to take care of our baby while we work. We accepted her offer and it’s been working out well. She’s great with kids, and I really appreciate what she does. She not only looks after the baby but also helps with cooking, cleaning, and doing the dishes.
Yesterday, my mother-in-law and I had a conversation that left me in shock. She actually asked us to pay her for the time she spends with our precious Katie. I can’t believe she would put a price on spending time with her own grandchild. When I was a baby, my grandma used to babysit me and my sister without ever expecting payment, money, or gifts. She did it out of pure love for us. I also used to babysit my siblings for free for hours on end when I was younger.
I’m at a loss for words. I’m feeling really frustrated, and this situation is causing tension in my marriage. My husband believes that she should be compensated because, without her help, we have to hire a total stranger to take care of our child, and that could end up being more expensive. I am out of options. I have thought through everything and I’m lost. My head is just AAAH.
Can’t believe you trying to get free labor from your mother in law! Ungrateful!
I think your mother in law should get compensated for her services! I’m sure she loves spending time with her grandchild how ever, this a is full time job and you are basically using her as your maid, but without compensating her. Both you and your husband work and I’m sure your mother in law being retired is on a limited income… you would think that it would have Ben offered to begin with! I feel you’re being selfish!
When my children were babies, we paid my mother $1200/month for childcare while we worked (1994-2010ish). The difference might be that I had an established career, she lived with us, and I was in my mid-late 30s. We eventually took them to a preschool/daycare just two mornings a week, primarily for socialization with others their own age. Even back then, daycare would have cost me triple that!
I am now nearing “retirement age” and my daughter is expecting her first. I know that she can’t afford to pay me like that. But I also am thrilled to be actively involved in my grandchild’s life. There are some pieces of info not provided in this story for me to fully weigh in…
Mom in law should not have had to ask. It should have been offered. Most grandparents I know would have refused payment.
I agree with your husband. I feel you are asking a lot of you MI, almost to the point of taking advantage of her. She is babysitting, cleaning and cooking meals!!! What is wrong with you sense of entitlement?
I to am a grandmother yes I babysit and I get paid for it!!! Now you have a sitter and maid in one, she cleans and cooks for you and takes care of the child so lets break this down (going by the rates in my area) Sitter for work is 225 per child per week, house keeper for the cooking and cleaning is if they come everyday M-F its roughly 250 to 350 a week. believe it or not grandma is not asking for that much she more then likely just want 150 to 200 aa
week which means you are still saving a ton. see believe it or not we grand parents raised our kids if we wanted to raise more we would have had more. plus she can use some spending money for her and the child while they are together or she is feeling liek she is being taken for granted!! So with that said stop being entitled and pay the grandmother for her work or you just might get stuck paying full price
If your mother in law asked for a babysitting pay. You should pay her. Your daughter is in better care. Safe environment. Just put in writing what she should or shouldn’t do around the house. Maybe she felt used.
I think you are not looking at the total picture. My wife and I are seniors and have been down the same road. If you will be objective and consider all the benefits that you have because of a grandparents in your babies life you may come to the conclusion that giving her a small salary is a bargain in several ways.